Hey. My name is Charlene and I am a Procrastinator.

Hey. My name is Charlene and I am a Procrastinator.
What is procrastination? I mean, really...is procrastination That big a deal? Doesn’t everyone procrastinate? Well, before I go any further and lead you on to think that I have an answer, I will come clean and assure you that I do not have an answer for you either!
It's so hard to think about the topic anyhow and its been like four days of wanting to write it but, yeah, you guessed it...procrastination! Personally, I’m deeply afflicted by this demon and for Years I have tried to kick this but damnit! I put off everything apart from eating and sleeping...and talking about feelings, sober or not, preferably not 😄 I don’t remember the last time I did an assignment before the due date. Quite frankly, most of my assignments are handed in late. Gotta love university!
Sometimes I ask myself, what would happen if I just sat there and drank water and ate food forever, what would happen? That’s a very stupid question and here’s why. I’d be bored out of my freaking mind. I’d rather be hungry than just sit there doing absolutely nothing. Mankind is very complicated; we work because we have to but inactivity is worse. Trust me! Maybe its just me though, but I can’t sit a few minutes without doing anything. I guess meditation is just one of those many things I have to work on 😒 The other reason that makes me get up and do something is my mom...duh! Other than the fact that she scares me so very much, there’s also the fact that I hate disappointing her. I’m sure many can relate to this feeling of obligation towards parent(s) or guardians. I could probably take 10 minutes straighten up my one bedroomed after my parents call to say they’re close by. I’ve got mad skills though and for that I am grateful.
So today I decided to get off my lazy butt, walk downstairs, watch a sitcom and laugh as I try to come up with a somewhat interesting piece. And its going great! Which brings me to multitasking. I know its not so appealing to everyone, but I’m the type of person who'll carry bags on all my limbs and on top of my head just so I don’t have to go back to the car. Who's with me?? 👐 Don’t think of it as multiple tasks, think of it as doing work in a fraction of the time then doing whatever you want afterwards.
Lately, I’ve kind of been obsessed with planning, routines, journaling etc. I’m not saying that you have to do all this crap to stop procrastinating. A simple mental note of to-do lists, basic morning and night time routines, heck even an Oreo milkshake after doing a fifteen page essay for self-motivation. Just think, you hate washing dishes or clothes. But, isn’t it worse to be stuck in a dirty house? And at the end of the day, doesn’t it make you content and calm to complete everyday tasks that feel like the last thing you’d rather be doing?
Sometimes its not the task that’s the issue really. How’s your mood today? Are you well-rested? Hungry? How’s that desk that you’re supposed to be studying on? Clattered? How about that laptop? How many tabs are open? Is it noisy outside? Your person and environment are a big deal when it comes to staying focused. Watch a few vines, take a nap or a shower or do whatever you want for a few minutes then dedicate those twenty minutes to folding clothes or cooking.
At the end of the day, stuff has to be done. Whether its “fun” or not doesn't really matter, does it? You could sulk the whole time while doing it, but you still have to do it. I think its easier to just try and make it as fun as possible. I’m not saying that we all have to be the glass half a full type of people 24/7 and sprinkle confetti full of cheer on everyone. At the end of the day, if you’re happier doing what you HAVE to by bettering that attitude or perspective on whatever it is you’re meant to do then its worth it. And chances are, it will take less time to finish and you'll perform better at it. How do you think I managed to pass Kiswahili? 👎
If you don’t like something, change it. Goodnight everybody.
*bows because it feels like I’ve achieved something today*

Freedom or Independence?

I remember back to some two, three years ago. I'd just cleared high school and I was thinking, "Mum, Dad...I didn't drop out of high school and I read and did my final exams to the best of my ability.Can you let me go now already??? I deserve the chance to make my own mistakes..."

Then came the curfews and the endless fights with my mom over breaking them.

And after that came the rebellious phase and then last but not least University! The chance to finally be myself...explore...live, learn, fall, get up, move on again..and all this without thinking about that stupid curfew or whether my breath smells like alcohol. Dream come true. I wanted freedom but got independence...and honestly though, what's the difference? Freedom and independence all seem mean the same thing. But my oh my! didn't I see how wrong I was.

Freedom is just having the space to do what you want, independence on the other hand is basically when you get a chance to show the world that you can make your own wise decisions and take the consequences as they come. You could be free but not independent, cause you see independence comes with a price. Independent people essentially should be able to support themselves financially but honestly...pft! I'm 20 ha! Wtf do I know about making money? I choose to look at the mental and emotional side of it.

Moving out of home was...uhmmm...let's just say it was eye-opening. A good experience but not for everyone. Getting money weekly or monthly and budgeting and shit. Making new friends (even ones my parents wouldn't approve of) and hanging out so much because you can just chill whenever. Going to class...or not, depending on my mood. Dealing with laundry, dishes and cleaning the hostel. Parties everywhere every night of the week. A tattoo and piercings. All this and having to maintain good grades lol! 

So here I was, fresh out of "jail" into the unwelcoming open wide arms of adulthood. All this time having resented the idea that my friends got to start this shit in high school, sneaking off to parties and drinking and socializing late into the night, the whole deal. I though I was getting a raw deal! But now I just had so much to do and no one really to tell me how to do it, how to feel about it. So I just went with it and made some pretty huge mistakes. And I was broke like 24/7 cause of alcohol and cigarettes only. Not really but....haha

Now I'm back home dreading the idea of moving back to a hostel next semester which pretty much sums up how I feel about the whole conundrum.What might have gone wrong? Was I not ready? Is something fucking wrong with me?!? Cause people do this shit everyday meanwhile I'm in my bed at home just thinking how happy I am to be here. Honestly, I don't want to grow up...or move out. 

I guess turning 19 made me feel like a legit adult. Then came 20 and I was like, fuck! My friends will start getting married in a few years then I'll have to look for a job and we all know the economy and job hunting thing is crazy. And a packet of milk is fucking 50 bob smh. How much do you think it'll cost to raise a child in the next 5 years?? And will anyone even propose to me? Will I even get married??? 

Saving....

I n v e s t m e n t s . . . . .

T  a  x  e  s  .   .    .      .       .        .

Shit! Is freedom really worth all the independence it comes along with?

Holding onto that New Year feeling

The date is 6th of January 2015. I can almost see the person reading this picking up a stone and aiming at me thinking, Guuuurl, you must be trippin'. 1st was a whole six days ago surely! You must be wondering what I'm going on about.

That New Year feeling. New Year, new me, right? I've heard and seen this phrase a couple of times. And I've also heard the phrase "That new year new me bullshit". That mentality comes from a combination of failed resolutions and, forgive me for saying this, wanting to seem cool since everyone my age seems to think its uncool to be overly excited about the start of a new year.

I'm not saying that when the new year rolls in someone's life gets miraculously changes and all the shit you did last year gets erased by some miraculous eraser. No no. I'm just saying that its possible to make resolutions and actually stick to them. Because I bet we've all had that feeling that at midnight you can flip a switch, change your attitude, be happier from there on forward... just a general change in someone's outlook of life and....living! That feeling is what I'm talking about. Its like you can be your own fairy godmother and from the time you meet this new you, your life can only get better.

Personally, every year I get that warm fuzzy feeling. I feel like if I start from the very beginning and change things that I've wanted to change, make resolutions and see them through, become a healthier fitter me, get better grades and like school...I won't get into details. I realized that I do change every year! Not necessarily into who I wanted to be but a better version than the previous year nonetheless. I wouldn't want to unlearn the lessons that shaped my personality in 2014 now would I? Its all about perspective. So this year, I'm not fighting this feeling, I'm embracing it. I'm going to write down a couple of things I'd want to do and making a vision/inspiration board and putting it somewhere I can see everyday. I'm putting pictures, quotes, colorful things, stupid things (photoshopped picture of myself on Asha's body from Hit the Floor cuz that woman is fiiine), heck I might even write resolutions like getting a bong. The point is, I can change things on it and feel better crossing things off my list. And every time I look at it I'll get either happy or rejuvenated. We all need some life hacks to make getting through the day easier even if it means holding onto the feeling that anything and everything can change if we put our minds to it.

Cause we all need some more peace, love and some damn imagination in our lives. Namaste bitches ;)