Then came the curfews and the endless fights with my mom over breaking them.
And after that came the rebellious phase and then last but not least University! The chance to finally be myself...explore...live, learn, fall, get up, move on again..and all this without thinking about that stupid curfew or whether my breath smells like alcohol. Dream come true. I wanted freedom but got independence...and honestly though, what's the difference? Freedom and independence all seem mean the same thing. But my oh my! didn't I see how wrong I was.
Freedom is just having the space to do what you want, independence on the other hand is basically when you get a chance to show the world that you can make your own wise decisions and take the consequences as they come. You could be free but not independent, cause you see independence comes with a price. Independent people essentially should be able to support themselves financially but honestly...pft! I'm 20 ha! Wtf do I know about making money? I choose to look at the mental and emotional side of it.
Moving out of home was...uhmmm...let's just say it was eye-opening. A good experience but not for everyone. Getting money weekly or monthly and budgeting and shit. Making new friends (even ones my parents wouldn't approve of) and hanging out so much because you can just chill whenever. Going to class...or not, depending on my mood. Dealing with laundry, dishes and cleaning the hostel. Parties everywhere every night of the week. A tattoo and piercings. All this and having to maintain good grades lol!
So here I was, fresh out of "jail" into the unwelcoming open wide arms of adulthood. All this time having resented the idea that my friends got to start this shit in high school, sneaking off to parties and drinking and socializing late into the night, the whole deal. I though I was getting a raw deal! But now I just had so much to do and no one really to tell me how to do it, how to feel about it. So I just went with it and made some pretty huge mistakes. And I was broke like 24/7 cause of alcohol and cigarettes only. Not really but....haha
Now I'm back home dreading the idea of moving back to a hostel next semester which pretty much sums up how I feel about the whole conundrum.What might have gone wrong? Was I not ready? Is something fucking wrong with me?!? Cause people do this shit everyday meanwhile I'm in my bed at home just thinking how happy I am to be here. Honestly, I don't want to grow up...or move out.
I guess turning 19 made me feel like a legit adult. Then came 20 and I was like, fuck! My friends will start getting married in a few years then I'll have to look for a job and we all know the economy and job hunting thing is crazy. And a packet of milk is fucking 50 bob smh. How much do you think it'll cost to raise a child in the next 5 years?? And will anyone even propose to me? Will I even get married???
Saving....
I n v e s t m e n t s . . . . .
T a x e s . . . . . .
Shit! Is freedom really worth all the independence it comes along with?
